before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
