Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
