What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
