The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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