Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
