we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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