Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
