But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
