i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
