Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
