how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
