his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
