Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
