That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
