I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
