You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
