and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
