Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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