somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
