Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
COCAINE IS GR8
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
