Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
