There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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