dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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