i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
