Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
