Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
