You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
