Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
