On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
