it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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