hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She needs sedatives and a leash
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
