Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Randomize
