I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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