dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
