I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
