I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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