nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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