how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
