I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
