Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
