can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
