Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
