those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
