Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
