I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
