we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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