how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
