I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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