You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm jealous of your bromance
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
