I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
