I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
