If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
