hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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