this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
